Having driven cross country over 10 times for various opera jobs, I've picked up a few nuggets of good driving information. For instance: driving too close to your friends dragging a trailer will get you nothing but rocks in your windshield. This is fine if you like tracking the progress of cracks as they inch across your line of vision while you drive. However, driving too close to a minivan usually gets you a pretty good viewing of "Finding Nemo".One crucial bit of often overlooked information is the relation between the music you're listening to and the speed you are traveling.
The following songs will get you pulled over (based on nothing but my own experience, and yes, I do recall what I was listening to when I was pulled over):
1) FireStarter by Prodigy. Just try to go slow with this song playing. Good luck.
2) William Tell Overture - Corny right? You'd be surprised how the Lone Ranger gets your foot full of lead.
3) The Epilogue to Sweeney Todd. Shouting "Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney! There! There! There!" and gripping the steering wheel do not help you focus on the road, nor spot the cops with the radar gun.
Luckily, I've learned that cruise control is for more than just resting your feet. I've also learned that just because the policeman's name is 'Officer Sweet', that in no way means that he is.
I'll admit, crying does often get you a warning rather than a ticket, but burst into hysterical sobs and they'll ask to search your car for illegal substances. Really.
Lastly, no matter how smart and funny you think you are, apparently NO cop enjoys a good sarcastic comment.
Learn from me. I beg you.
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